An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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