So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
