why didn't you poke me back
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize