i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
