What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
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Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
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I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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