i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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