i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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