I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You are a genius and a whore.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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