I will die if light touches me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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