maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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