guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
