If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
