I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
