it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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