Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
