; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
