sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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