Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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