If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
