He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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