Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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