yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
my poor anus
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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