Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
