dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize