Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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