and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
