Umm I'm too high to move.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
