My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
