My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
