So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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