Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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