Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
