What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
