I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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