Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
where does the pee come out of this thing
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
