I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
