We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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