I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
