I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
