i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
