How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
