Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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