apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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