I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
