My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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