no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
