Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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