i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
