i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
