things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
