plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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