I will die if light touches me.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think my vagina is haunted
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
