you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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