chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
