You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
