I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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