im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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