I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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