You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
