letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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