Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
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No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize