found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize