look no pants
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
