my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
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Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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