he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
