She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need water and some morals
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
