so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
