There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
