he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
