I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
