Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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