Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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