Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
