I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
